I Think of You
By dawns first light.
Ere the birds begin to sing.
Before the day begins anew.
I think of you.
As the sun climbs high,
And the flowers open to the warmth.
As the morning dew vanishes.
I think of you.
Toil, work, and sweat.
In a shower of steel sparks.
In the midst of my daily struggle.
I think of you.
As the sun slips behind the mountains,
And the clouds turn to fire.
Before I lay my head to rest.
I think of you.
In the twinkle of a starry night.
In the glow of the pale moonlight.
In a sleepless night of sweet dreams.
I think of you.
By the time I got there it was too late...
As I waited at the drop point for pickup, I wiped away the sweat from my face and calmly noted that some of the blood I was covered in was my own. From my perspective the battle had gone well, and back at the mother ship we were gearing up for a new operation. I listened to the mission brief while a medic was trying to wrap a gash in my leg to stop the bleeding; I can be a bit of a moving target. It looked like a promising mission, then a chance communiqué changed all that and within 24 hours I raced across the known galaxy knowing I was already too late. My brother was dead.
There are a lot of things that I can fix, but I can’t fix this, and I want to, I need to, but I can’t. Sometimes you just can’t put all the pieces back together. There are no answers and no one to blame. My brother’s flaming ball of glory just took a little longer to kill him that’s all; a little more time that he should not have had in the first place. And, I still can’t fix this.
I can fix those things around his home that were some of my brother’s last concerns, and did, happily. However, it could have been timed better. Maybe it would have helped if the tools were mine, not his. Maybe if I could’ve stopped talking to him while I’m working on his house. Maybe if someone had said something to me sooner. Maybe if I could have gotten here earlier. Maybe I could see what I’m doing if I wipe the tears from my eyes again.
Truth be told, I thought my brother was a jerk. Then I think that all my brothers are jerks, sometimes fun jerks, thoughtful jerks, lovable jerks, and even totally way, way, waaaaay out-
All the way there, I kept asking, if we (my other brothers and I) could have done something more for our brother. There really are no answers and I really can’t fix this.
I skipped the viewing because I wanted to remember the jerk just the way he was, not after life had gnawed upon him for a while. That is not the way I wanted to remember my brother. I don’t want to feel sorry for the jerk. If I feel anything, if I have anything left to feel, I feel sorry for his family and the rest of us still here.
The casket was heavy. They are speaking, but I’m not really listening as the guy talking butchers another scripture I know by heart. As we all turn to go, I take the dog tags from around my neck and place them on the casket. They are a part of me, not like the store bought flowers people leave like so many leaves upon the ground, and just as quickly forgotten as they turn their backs and walked away. A part of me remains to keep my brother company.
So was born the tradition of leaving a set of dog tags at an official burial among the Starfighters to remind us that we will never forget.
~~~Dedicated to the memory of my brother Tom (1966-
~~~Now forever part of the story.~~~
At Heaven's Gate,
I stand and wait.
Blood, sweat, and tears,
I do battle with my fears.
Dreams kindled by passion.
Before heaven's mansion.
I stand and wait,
At Heaven's Gate.
A battle rages,
Fears and sorrows,
Struggle for a million tomorrows.
Before Heaven's Gate,
I stand and wait.
I know what fate will bring.
With the angels I will sing.
Only one thing do I miss.
True love's sweet kiss.
So for you I will wait,
At Heaven's Gate.
I Want to Kiss You
I want to kiss your nose.
I want to kiss your toes.
I want to kiss you behind your knees.
I want to kiss you behind the trees.
And, if I kissed you in the store.
I'll want to kiss you a whole lot more.
I want to kiss you down your back.
I want to kiss you over a grocery sack.
I want to kiss you all through the winter.
I want to kiss you over dinner.
And, I really wish I knew how,
I could kiss you right now.
I want to kiss you bare.
I want to kiss your hair.
I want to kiss you in the tub.
I want to kiss you after a good back rub.
And, if I kissed you at the mall,
I might not stop until next fall.
I want to kiss you at the fair.
I want to kiss you on the top stair.
I want to kiss you on the floor.
I want to kiss you by the door.
And, I want to look into your eyes so fair.
Every time I have to come up to breathe your air.
Lost and Found
I was lost, but you found me.
I was in darkness, and you brought me a brilliant light.
I was drowning, and you pulled me to safety.
I was in the depths of despair, and you gave me hope.
I was without a vision, and you gave me a beautiful dream.
I heard no sound, and now I hear music.
I had no words, and now I write volumes.
I had no momentum, and now I am a rocket.
I had lost my desire, and now I have found passion's fire
I was lost to true love, and now I have found you.
She smiles and the snows begin to melt.
Angels take wing and sing.
Birds whistle in harmony.
She smiles, dazzling, in the heart is where it's felt.
Flowers bow their heads.
All of nature stops and stares.
She smiles and such beauty is beyond compare.
Stars reflected in an emerald pond.
Endless beauty of heaven and earth.
She smiles, a beauty from heaven ever so fair.
A word and I would die.
Given wings so I could fly.
She smiles, radiant, in my soul is where it's felt.
Where are the words to sing?
Music of my heart and soul.
She smiles and my heart begins to melt.
I'll Wait for You
I wait for the forces that keep us apart to crumble.
I wait to hold you in my arms.
I wait to make love to you when our passion for each other will explode and rain down upon us as a million twinkling stars each filled with new hope for better things yet to come.
I wait to kiss you, to touch your soul, and make time stand still.
I wait to remember old things and do new things that I may do them with you.
I wait to fill your life with such joy that you must weep because of it.
I wait to bathe you in bubbles of pure love.
I wait to fulfill your every desire, your every whim, and bring all your fantasies to life giving them shapes and forms and wings to fly up among the stars in heaven.
I wait to become lost in your eyes and the love I see there.
I wait until I can say, "I do," with you.
I wait for you.
Heaven Never Seemed So Far
Heaven never seemed so far away,
Even though I saw your picture just the other day.
Heaven must be a little less bright,
When you left you took away their light.
You are a single ray of heavenly light's sweet perfection, if I may be so bold.
I have no doubt the heaven broke your angel mold.
Flowers stop to stare, and birds go silent when you walk by.
Heaven nor I can find the words no matter how hard we try.
Such an angel fair,
I try not to stare.
Blinded by your light,
Sweet heaven's delight.
Day to day as I seek my way,
Heaven never seemed so far away.
All the fires of heaven and hell wage war inside my soul.
I am tormented by a lovely vision that keeps coming back.
All of heaven's endless stars are found within your eyes.
Pools of such beauty in which I wish I could drowned.
Bottomless, endless beauty that I could easily, willingly, loose myself within.
Heaven must sigh when they look into your eyes.
All the rage and love of heaven collide in such magnificent beauty.
Words fail me and the air is sucked from my lungs leaving me breathless,
And all this because I caught but a glimpse of an angel's eyes.
A taste of sweet desire lingers upon my lips.
Time stands still and the universe melts away.
My heart thrills with each beat that takes my breath away.
I have found heaven in a single moment.
Fires rage inside and draws me back to your embrace.
The taste of your sweet lips slays me and I die.
And, I am remade with each kiss from you.
I long to loose myself in the eyes that haunt my dreams. I would give up everything for the love my weary heart desires and dreams of daily.
I'm as old as the stars and as young as a newly born child. For my dreams I would go against the grain and play the fool for love's sake. My heart dancing foolishly before you in hope that you would dance with me.
Cut to the bone, shredded and left for dead, robbed of everything and left naked on life's road. Love found and lost. My soul wounded and I weep in the stillness of the night. Pain that tears me apart from the inside out and all I can do is survive another day. And then after the pain is dulled I rise from the dust to find a new beginning.
Awaken my heart, dance with joy. Fill me with love to overflowing. Recklessly, dangerously, push me over the edge beyond any human limits with your love.
Let me tell you sweet fairytales of what our love could be. How could I look you in the eyes if I gave up my honor? Though the sins and deeds of my past be as black as the darkest night and the pain in your eyes tears my heart to pieces. Though I have been change, I cannot be anything less than what I have become; a creature that has found the value of honor. I cannot be faithless if I am to have your trust or your love.
How do you know what beauty is if you cannot see beyond the refection of the stars in the water on a calm lake? And, can you find yourself in the stillness?
Success is measured by our failures against which money means nothing if you do not love me. Though dragons shred me to pieces and trample me into the dust; if your love is mine I will rise again ready to do what I must to serve you and preserve our love. What is learning and great knowledge worth if I have not learn how to stand by your side hand in hand? For I am willing to face the fires of hell unflinchingly with you beside me.
I have sat at the feet of great men and learned the ways of the world, but it has been the words of God that have held me up when the ground has fallen from beneath my feet.
Yes, I know what it is to be alone bobbing on the still water of an endless empty sea and I have learned to hate my life. But, it has made me who I am right now and I will not look back and ask, what if? I can only go forward from here in search of a dream of eternal love.
Stopped By Your Eyes
I don't remember when I stopped turning the pages; drawn like a moth to a flame.
Stopped by your eyes, beautiful, sad, sweet, eyes of an angel searching for what?
Heavenly eyes that searched my soul for an answer to an unasked question.
All I have is words from far away, and the answer can only be found in your eyes.
What did the frog say to make the princess want to kiss him; only in a fairytale.
And so I stare into the eyes of a fairy princess who dares to dream of love.
Pure love, sweet love, eternal love, a love that will last longer than the stars will shine.
I sigh and would die a thousand times for such a love in such sweet beautiful eyes.
What is love, true love, real love against the money, comforts, and things of the world?
What would I give up, how far would I go, what mountain is too high?
Searching for a lost memory of a love that never was, but something I hoped could be.
Stopped by your eyes in search of what, a dream, a memory of some forgotten night.
So I sigh as I look at eyes that mirror the eyes that must look down from heaven.
I take pen in hand and write what I see to free myself of what I feel when I look at your eyes.
But, I will never be free until I find a love that will set me on fire from the inside out.
A love that will make a moment's parting seem unbearable, as a part cut from my soul.
I'll look forward to the evening with joy and loath the coming of the new day's sun.
Souls entwined in a single kiss, I want to loose myself and find myself in eyes such as yours.
Is it any wonder why I was stopped by your eyes, eyes of an angel searching for what?
When You Look at Me
I'd hate it when you would look at me that way.
A thousand things go through my mind when you glance my way and smile.
My heart beats faster with anticipation and yet I dread what may be coming.
The guy that said a picture is worth a thousand words never saw a picture of you.
A thousand words just to describe your smile is far too few.
Heaven and hell collide and I die and am reborn in a single glance.
It is like you know some great cosmic secret, or is it a joke?
I stare at your picture as I drift helplessly alone among the stars.
I wonder what you were thinking as the camera flashed and forever froze the moment;
A moment that has become an entire universe begging to be explored.
You're like an elfish princess, irresistible, enchanting, and beguiling to mere mortals;
A siren that beckons the wayfarer to their doom.
I strayed too close and stayed too long, and now I am lost among the stars.
My life slips from my grasp and all I have is your picture; a perfect moment captured.
I'd love it when you would look at me like that.
Only in a Dream
Only in my dreams would I find someone like you.
An angel's face with an angel's grace.
If I wished upon a thousand falling stars it would still be a dream.
I would die and be in heaven if you would smile at me.
What impossible things I might do, but only in my dreams.
Hope fades like the day into night, but the dream lingers.
It is my life and my death as I search the eternities for a dream.
A search for a dream that haunts me even when I am awake.
Dare I hope for a bit of heaven's grace, a heavenly face.
Wishes are nothing; sand poured out upon the ground and lost.
Hope fades like a flickering candle in the wind.
Prayers are like so many seeds cast into the air; their fate left to heaven.
But, only in my dreams would I find someone like you.